Friday, May 21, 2010

How do u like my story?

The Red Ruby Amulet


I have been at Maquena boarding school for two years now. I like the boarding school. Well of course I do because it does have horseback riding. The “populars” still consider me a scholarship student and don’t know who I really am. Well I can’t help that. My best friend is Jena Smith. She is a scholarship student too, well at least to the “populars”; to me she is just Jena.


BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! My blasted alarm. I look up and see that Jena is still sleeping, then I realize its Saturday. I turn off my alarm and go back to sleep.


I wake up to the smell of bacon in the dinning hall. This time I actually get up and get dressed. Since it’s not a weekday I don’t have to wear my stupid uniform, which is a red dress and a white apron. Jena isn’t here so I assume she is either eating or in the stables looking after Comet her favorite school horse.


I go down to eat breakfast and I spot Jena sitting alone and getting teased by the “populars”. Before I even get my breakfast I run over to her defense.


“Why don’t you just shut up and leave her alone.” I say coldly, starring at Cassandra the head “popular”.


“Well then let’s leave Zireena and Jena to get on with their non-boyfriend lives,” Cassandra snaps back. She knows that I’m not afraid to fight for my friends, and let’s face it Cassandra fights like a mouse.


“Finish your breakfast. I’ll take mine to go.” I say to Jena who is sad and knows what I’m about to do.


I get my breakfast and head over to Jena, who was still sitting at the table. When she sees me she gets up and we head to the stables.


We go to Comet’s stall. His ears prick up when he sees us, hoping for food. When he sees that we don’t have any food he goes back to eating his breakfast of hay.


“Hey Comet.” Jena says.


“You know why we’re here.” I say. She nods. “What exactly did they say to you?” I ask.


“They said I was ugly and I didn’t deserve to be here if I couldn’t pay for tuition and they asked me why am I sill living because I am not worth taking up as much space in the world as I do.” She started to cry.


I start to sing. “How could anyone ever tell you, you are anything less than beautiful? How could anyone ever tell you, you are less than whole? How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle and how deeply you’re connected to my soul?” Her crying slowed. I kept on singing that over and over again until she stopped crying.


On our way back to our room we ran into Lolly, literally.


“Watch where you’re going,” Lolly says. Lolly wasn’t her real name we just called her that because she always had a sucker in her mouth. We ignored her and went on.


Saturday was always our free day for Sunday we had Charm and Beauty for young ladies with our head mistress Mrs. Cultwather. It was always a joy. Usually for my free day I rode my horse Star. (Our ridding teacher had an obsession with space names). Today I didn’t do that, I went down to the library to find a book to read or two books and sometimes several books depending on my mood.


Today when I went down there I see Gloria and Lolly talking, so I went around the back and into the row of bookshelves behind them to here what they are saying.


“We need a new head person thingy.” Gloria says.


“Yeah Cassandra is way too weak. She won’t even fight Zireena, which I could probably break her arm in a second,” Lolly says. I want to say that she can’t, but I really don’t want to get into a fight right now, so I stay back.


“Exactly. Who would want her for a leader anyway?” Gloria says.


“I say we should mutiny.” Lolly says. This is my chance to walk in on them.


“I thi–“ Gloria brakes off, seeing me walk in the isle.


“Was I interrupting something?” I ask trying to sound innocent.


“How much have you heard?” Lolly asks me.


“I didn’t hear anything.” I say tying to hold back a smile.


“Liar.” Gloria says. I walk away then to a different isle to look for a book.


When I get my book I go into the forest behind the school. I look for my tree that I always climb when I want to get away. I have fond a copy of Follow, it is a horror story but really don’t remember what it is about. I open the book and start to read.


When I have read a few chapters I decide to check on Jena to see if she is doing alright. When I start to climb down I see a boy sitting at the base of the tree sleeping as if he had been waiting for me to climb down. The boy is probably from Swats School for boys the all boy boarding school next to us. I decide to get down on the other side of the tree so I won’t wake him. I walk around the tree to the path that I made to get to this tree. When I see the boy again he is awake and walking right towards me. I start to run. He follows me calling my name. I don’t pay attention to him because once I’m out of the woods he can’t follow me anymore for I’ll be on school grounds and no boy can be on my school grounds. I see the end of the forest, I run faster. He starts to slow, he knows he can’t go any farther.


I go to my room hoping Jena is not there so I can just think over what just happened. When I get there she isn’t there but I do see her book open so she is probably just going to the bathroom.


I get a notebook to write down my thoughts.


1. Why was he following me?


2. I don’t know the dude.


3. He has yellow eyes.


4. Why would someone why would a boy want to talk to me?


5. How did he know my name?


As I finish the last one Jena walks in. I walk over to her and give her the notebook I was just writing in. She reads it.


“Did this really happen? Jena asks. I nod. “And you don’t know who this guy is.” I nod. “Well when we have free time next, go to where you were before and I’ll follow behind at a safe distance to see who the boy is.” I nod in agreement.


“The only problem is the next time we have free time-” I start. Then I remember that we have free time in the morning tomorrow. “Wait the next time we have free time is tomorrow. I’ll go to the tree I always climb, you can climb it too if you want, wait for the boy to come and find out who he is.” By this time I’m excited to find out who he is.


The next day I get ready fast so I can see who the boy is. Jena tries to hurry but she still isn’t very fast, I’m ready before her and I woke up a hour later than she did.


Once we are both ready we head to the forest. Once we are outside Jena slows until she is a good distance behind me. I walk fast to the tree. When I get there I don’t even have to wait for the boy to get to get there because he is already there waiting for me.


“Zireena.” He calls.


“How do you know my name?” I ask him.


“I know you name for I have been watching you from afar and have heard your name.” he says matter-of-factly.


“Why have you been following me?” I ask him.


“Because I need to tell you something.” he says.


“What do you need to tell me?” I inquire.


“The cross and the flower will rule again in the places the specters lie. The sisterhood will rise and the brotherhood will too. The answers will be in the darkest of cries.” it was a riddle that I have to figure out but I don’t understand it at all.


“What does it mean?” I ask.


“You’ll have to figure out that on your own.” He turns to leave.


“Wait! What’s your name.” I call after him.


“K-U-R-B-I-S, Kurbis. I am a cross while you are a flower.” he said.


“But I don’t know what that means.”


“Here, for you to figure out.” he hands me a piece of paper it has the riddle on it and a symbol of a cross with the stem of a flower overlapping it. I turn the paper over it says:


Zireena,


You have been chosen to be the next member of the Casana Sisterhood. When the time is right you will have a way to find our civilization. It is then you will find out more about us but for now I leave you with this: flowers come and flowers go but one will always stay.


A friend


I start to say something to him but he is already gone like he just disappeared into thin air.


Jena catches up. “What was that all about?”


“Here.” I give her the piece of paper. She reads it.


“ ‘A flower comes and a flower goes but one will always stay’?” She reads “What does that mean?” I shrug.


“Turn the paper over.” I say to her. She reads the other side.


“Another riddle?” I nod. “But how will you know what it means?”


“I don’t know” I say. I want to see him again to see if I can get more stuff out of him so decide to leave him a note. I don’t’ have any paper so I run back. Jena is coming after me. When I get to my room I find a piece of paper and a pen and write:


I hope we met again say maybe next Saturday at 1:00.


I run back to the tree and attach the note to a branch hoping he will see it.


The week goes by in a blur by the time the week is out I barley remember anything that happened.


When I get to the tree I see I note that he wrote. It says:


See you there


Where is he? I don’t see him. Then I hear somebody call out “Zireena up here.” I realize it him calling me so I climb up.


“Hey Kurbis.” I say.


“Hey your self. Why did you want me to come here?” he asks.


“To get to know you better.” I say even thought it’s a lie.


“You can get to know me better by asking questions so fire away.” He says.


“Why are you eyes yellow?” I ask.


“They only turn yellow when I have a lot of emotion. Now my turn. Why did you run when you first saw me?”


“I was afraid you were going to attack me. What do you want with me?”


“I wanted to tell you the riddle which I already have. You needed to know that you were part of the Casana sisterhood. Ok now more personal. Who’s your friend?”


“Her name is Jena. How do you know that I’m part of this secret society?”


“Because I am of the Reana brotherhood. I shouldn’t of said that.”


“Really what is this Reana brotherhood?”


“I can’t tell you.”


“Why?”


“Because you’re not supposed to know until your meting.”


“I guess I can deal with that. Do you have any siblings?”


“Yes a brother who is six years older than me. You?”


“A sister who is six years older that me. Are your parents divorced?”


“Yeah. I live with my Dad. My dad left my mom right before second grade.”


“Me too only its my mom not my dad. Does your brother live with your mom?”


“Yeah, well actually my mom, my step-dad and my step-sister.”


“Me too only the complete opposite gender. Weird.” we talked longer about how similar we are. Finally we have to leave for it is 6:00. “I have to go so I won’t be late for dinner.”


“I should go too.” we go our separate ways.





A bright pair of yellow eyes comes out of the darkness. It startles me.


“Come here.” the person the yellow eyes belongs to whispers.


“Who are you.” I’m starting to get nervous.


“You’ll find out if you come closer.” my heart beats faster as I step closer. It’s Kurbis.


“I surprised you didn’t I?” I nod. He comes closer until there is not even a millimeter between us. My heart beats faster. He runs the back of fingers down the side of my face. The touch is so gentle. This makes my heart pound and I’m sure he can feel it. I feel warm despite the cold of the night.


I awake heart pounding, covers on the floor, and face covered with a hot sweat. I look at the clock and it’s 6:34. I groan and go back to sleep.


In the morning I go to the tree again but he isn’t there so I just climb it. Why did I dream that last night? I ask myself. I don’t know. I tell myself.


It was such a strange dream. I consider him my friend but nothing else.


I see someone coming. It’s Kurbis. I find that I’m excited to see him. This meting is more fun then last time.


“I’ll see you later my sweat lady.” he says.


“I will be delighted my charming gentleman.” I try to curtsey but I end up falling over. “I’m so clumsy.” We burst out laughing. “Do you have a friend here?” I ask on a more serious note.


“Yeah, his name is TJ.”


“Do you think he would want to met my friend Jena?”


“I think he would. Lets say next Saturday one o-clock.”


“It’s a plan.” Jena going to love this.








“Jena you have to go.” I complain.


“I can’t, he’ll think I’m ugly.”


“No he won’t Jena. He’ll think your beautiful because you are beautiful.”


“I still can’t go.”


“Just go.” An hour later Jena finally agreed and we head off to go met the boys.


“Kurbis.” I call.


“Introductions. TJ this is Zireena. Zireena this is TJ.”


“Jena this is TJ. TJ this is Jena. Jena this is Kurbis. Kurbis this is Jena.” I say. “TJ is the one.” I whisper to Jena.


“TJ stop staring at her chest.” I hear Kurbis whisper to TJ. I smile.


The meting ends in about an hour.


I whisper to Kurbis “My fifteenth birthday is tomorrow.” he smiles.


The next day at breakfast Cassandra and her peoples come over by me.


“Rumor has it that it’s your birthday and how old are you?” Cassandra asks mockingly.


“I am fifteen.” I say.


“Fifteen and no boyfriend how sad.” she acts like she’s sad.


“I have to correct you on that. I am fifteen but,” I pause for dramatic effect. “I do have a boyfriend.” their faces don’t change so I add “You wouldn’t know him because he is actually real.” their jaws drop. Their moths are open so far that I could successfully shoot a spit ball down their throats. I am surprise that the seem more amazed that I insulted them, than me having a boyfriend. I have to add this. “Jena has a boyfriend too.” their jaws drop farther which I don’t think is possible.


After breakfast I go up to my room. When I get there, there is a package on my bed. I go over to my bed and pick up the package, it’s small and light. I wonder what it could be. I open it and it’s a necklace. It looks like it’s a ruby, a round circular ruby with two stripes of silver wrapping around it. Why would anybody spend this much money just for a necklace? I spy a note that must of fallen out when I opened the wrapping.


This is to find where the sisterhood lives. It will glow when you will need to met them. It is also a compass. When you are looking for the civilization it will glow when you face the direction you have to go. You must meet them or something bad might happen.


P.S. I picked this one out just for you.


There was a sharp knock at the door.


“Come in.” I say hiding the note behind my back.


“It’s Jena.” Mrs. Hawkins, my English teacher, says.


I drop the note. “What’s happened?” I ask racing out of the room following Mrs. Hawkins.


“She is having an attack.” Mrs. Hawkins sounded worried. My dear friend Jena Smith is epileptic. Only I could really get her seizures to stop. I don’t know how, I just do.


“Did you put a wooden spoon in her mouth so she doesn’t bite he tongue?” Mrs. Hawkins nods. I see Jena lying on the ground. I run over to her.


I lift up her head. “Jena. Jena. It’s me Zireena.” I whisper to her. “Jena, come on Jena your missing out on all the fun and you don’t want that do you Jena? TJ will miss you Jena. Jena come on. Please stop this Jena.” her shaking stops. “Jena are you there? We are all waiting for you Jena.” she opens her eyes. “Jena your back.”


“What? Did I have an attack?” I nod.


“Come on you should lie down.” I say to Jena while helping her up.


When I get to my room I find that the necklace is glowing. It’s time to go. I lay Jena in her bed. “I have to go do something important right now ok Jena.” all I hear is a groan so I think she is asleep.


I follow the glow of the necklace for it seems like two hours until I reach a door. The necklace is glowing brighter now. I knock on the door. No one answers. I knock again this time a bit harder. This time Kurbis answers.


“Kurbis?” I ask.


“Yes, it’s me.” he replies.


“I thought this was the living place of the sisterhood.”


“It is.”


“Then why are you answering the door?”


“You will find out in your meting.” he leans over and kisses me on the forehead. “Good luck.” he leads me in. I find myself in a small village that looks very old fashion. He leads me to what looks like the biggest building in the village. “Go inside, they are waiting for you.” I go inside. There is only one candle lit. It is on a table next to a chair. I assume that I’m supposed to sit in that chair so I do.


“Zireena Jacobson you have been chosen to be the next member of the Casana sisterhood.” I voice says from up above. I look up but all I see is darkness. “You will have a task assigned to you to prove you are worthy to be in the Casana sisterhood.”


“What is my task?” I ask boldly.


“I understand that you have a sick friend right now.”


“Yes.” how did they know about that?


“Now your task is to take from her, her sickness and if she doesn’t get sick for three than we will grant you the power of the sisterhood. Con you do that.”


“I don’t know how.”


“You will know when you try.” the voice says sorrowfully. “You may leave now.” I get up and walk toward the door. “Remember three week and then you will have to return the necklace will guide you again.”


When I walk through the door Kurbis is waiting for me anxiously.


“So what happened?” he asks.


“My task is to take away my friend’s epilepsy.” I say staring off into the distance.


“You will do it right?” he asks me urgently.


“Of course I will do it. Why wouldn’t I help my friend.” it was more of a statement then a question. “I need to get back now.”


“Yes of course.” he says and leads me out.


When I get back to my room Jena is still lying I her bed.


“Zireena.” I hear her croak.


“Yes Jena I’m here.”


“Why did you leave me.”


“Well I had to do something very important and I’ll tell you what it is when you get better.”


“But Zireena.”


“Shhh. Now don’t talk you need your strength.” she seemed to agree with me and went back to sleep. “Jena you need to be rid of your epilepsy.” I whisper to her. My necklace glows. I think I healed her with out even realizing it.





Three week come and go until I have to met up with the Casana sisterhood.


When I get to the door Kurbis answers it again. He gives me a kiss on the cheek this time for good luck.


“Zireena you have retuned and has you friend been sick.”


“No.” I say.


“Then you will have the sisterhood power in you.”


“Excuse me but I want to know more about this sisterhood.”


“I figured you would want to know more so I’m going to tell you, starting with how it all started. Early in the beginning of the human race, two young girls were just messing around saying weird things like ‘I am a flower that blooms twice a year.’ Then when the girls we holding hands one said ‘Let us be the Casana sisterhood. Let this sisterhood last ‘til the end of the world, and let there be brotherhood to of which we shall chose our mates from. Let the cross represent the Reana brotherhood and let the flower represent the Casana sisterhood. We together as a family will go into the place of the spirits and help them fulfill their souls desires.” no one really knows how by saying that made it be. Some say that they were chosen by the spirits to form this alliance. Others just say it was meant to be but no one rally knows. So now you know how and somewhat why the sisterhood was formed. Now for more information. Every year we chose one lucky girl to come and join us. So do the Reana only it’s a boy in this case Kurbis, for us you. Now most of the time the boy that was admitted into this secret society usually end up together but not always only a few don’t make it.


“For a girl to get chosen she has to be strong free willed and spirited. Now to actually get accepted into this group you have to do a task which you have already done yours. There isn’t much else that I can tell you. You will really just learn the rest like the rest of us did. When ever we need you the amulet will glow.”


“Amulet? I thought it was just a necklace.”


“That’s one other thing you have to learn is that none of our jewelry is what it seems.” I leave the dark room. Again Kurbis is waiting for me.


“So how did it go.”


“I’m in.” I say as monotone as humanly possible.


“Well aren’t you excited.”


“OF course I am bit there is much for me to learn.”


“Well duh. So what do you want to do first?”


“First I want you to tell me as much as you can about this.”

How do u like my story?
I read your story and it was very good, although the grammar needed alittle work as well as some spelling. The only other suggestion would be to maybe not use a person name repeatedly, instead use her.she etc if at all possible. Below you will find you story with some changes, a few you will have to look close for :


The Red Ruby Amulet


I have been at Maquena boarding school for two years now. I like the boarding school. Well of course I do because it does have horseback riding. The “populars” still consider me a scholarship student and don’t know who I really am. Well I can’t help that. My best friend is Jena Smith. She is a scholarship student too, well at least to the “populars”; to me she is just Jena.


BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! My blasted alarm. I look up and see that Jena is still sleeping, then I realize its Saturday. I turn off my alarm and go back to sleep.


I wake up to the smell of bacon in the dinning hall. This time I actually get up and get dressed. Since it’s not a weekday I don’t have to wear my stupid uniform, which is a red dress and a white apron. Jena isn’t here so I assume she is either eating or in the stables looking after Comet her favorite school horse.


I go down to eat breakfast and I spot Jena sitting alone and getting teased by the “populars”. Before I even get my breakfast I run over to her defense.


“Why don’t you just shut up and leave her alone.” I say coldly, starring at Cassandra the head “popular”.


“Well then let’s leave Zireena and Jena to get on with their non-boyfriend lives,” Cassandra snaps back. She knows that I’m not afraid to fight for my friends, and let’s face it Cassandra fights like a mouse.


“Finish your breakfast. I’ll take mine to go.” I say to Jena who is sad and knows what I’m about to do.


I get my breakfast and head over to Jena, who was still sitting at the table. When she sees me she gets up and we head to the stables.


We go to Comet’s stall. His ears prick up when he sees us, hoping for food. When he sees that we don’t have any food he goes back to eating his breakfast of hay.


“Hey Comet.” Jena says.


“You know why we’re here.” I say. She nods. “What exactly did they say to you?” I ask.


“They said I was ugly and I didn’t deserve to be here if I couldn’t pay for tuition and they asked me why am I sill living because I am not worth taking up as much space in the world as I do.” She started to cry.


I start to sing. “How could anyone ever tell you, you are anything less than beautiful? How could anyone ever tell you, you are less than whole? How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle and how deeply you’re connected to my soul?” Her crying slowed. I kept on singing that over and over again until she stopped crying.


On our way back to our room we ran into Lolly, literally.


“Watch where you’re going,” Lolly says. Lolly wasn’t her real name we just called her that because she always had a sucker in her mouth. We ignored her and went on.


Saturday was always our free day for Sunday we had Charm and Beauty for young ladies with our head mistress Mrs. Cultwather. It was always a joy. Usually for my free day I rode my horse Star. (Our ridding teacher had an obsession with space names). Today I didn’t do that; I went down to the library to find a book to read or two books and sometimes several books depending on my mood.


Today when I went down there I see Gloria and Lolly talking, so I went around the back and into the row of bookshelves behind them to here what they are saying.


“We need a new head person thingy.” Gloria says.


“Yeah Cassandra is way too weak. She won’t even fight Zireena, which I could probably break her arm in a second,” Lolly says. I want to say that she can’t, but I really don’t want to get into a fight right now, so I stay back.


“Exactly. Who would want her for a leader anyway?” Gloria says.


“I say we should mutiny.” Lolly says. This is my chance to walk in on them.


“I thi–“ Gloria brakes off, seeing me walk in the isle.


“Was I interrupting something?” I ask trying to sound innocent.


“How much have you heard?” Lolly asks me.


“I didn’t hear anything.” I say tying to hold back a smile.


“Liar.” Gloria says. I walk away then to a different isle to look for a book.


When I get my book I go into the forest behind the school. I look for my tree that I always climb when I want to get away. I have found a copy of Follow, it is a horror story but really don’t remember what it is about. I open the book and start to read.


When I have read a few chapters I decide to check on Jena to see if she is doing all right. When I start to climb down I see a boy sitting at the base of the tree sleeping as if he had been waiting for me to climb down. The boy is probably from Swats School for boys the all boy boarding school next to us. I decide to get down on the other side of the tree so I won’t wake him. I walk around the tree to the path that I made to get to this tree. When I see the boy again he is awake and walking right towards me. I start to run. He follows me calling my name. I don’t pay attention to him because once I’m out of the woods he can’t follow me anymore for I’ll be on school grounds and no boy can be on my school grounds. I see the end of the forest, I run faster. He starts to slow; he knows he can’t go any farther.


I go to my room hoping Jena is not there so I can just think over what just happened. When I get there she isn’t there but I do see her book open so she is probably just gone to the bathroom.


I get a notebook to write down my thoughts.


1. Why was he following me?


2. I don’t know the dude.


3. He has yellow eyes.


4. Why would a boy want to talk to me?


5. How did he know my name?


As I finish the last one Jena walks in. I walk over to her and give her the notebook I was just writing in. She reads it.


“Did this really happen? Jena asks. I nod. “And you don’t know who this guy is.” I nod. “Well when we have free time next, go to where you were before and I’ll follow behind at a safe distance to see who the boy is.” I nod in agreement.


“The only problem is the next time we have free time-” I start. Then I remember that we have free time in the morning tomorrow. “Wait the next time we have free time is tomorrow. I’ll go to the tree I always climb, you can climb it too if you want, wait for the boy to come and find out who he is.” By this time I’m excited to find out who he is.


The next day I get ready fast so I can see whom the boy is. Jena tries to hurry but she still isn’t very fast, I’m ready before her and I woke up an hour later than she did.


Once we are both ready we head to the forest. Once we are outside Jena slows until she is a good distance behind me. I walk fast to the tree. When I get there I don’t even have to wait for the boy to get to get there because he is already there waiting for me.


“Zireena.” He calls.


“How do you know my name?” I ask him.


“I know you name for I have been watching you from afar and have heard your name.” he says matter-of-factly.


“Why have you been following me?” I ask him.


“Because I need to tell you something.” he says.


“What do you need to tell me?” I inquire.


“The cross and the flower will rule again in the places the specters lie. The sisterhood will rise and the brotherhood will too. The answers will be in the darkest of cries.” it was a riddle that I have to figure out but I don’t understand it at all.


“What does it mean?” I ask.


“You’ll have to figure out that on your own.” He turns to leave.


“Wait! What’s your name.”? I call after him.


“K-U-R-B-I-S, I am a cross while you are a flower.” he said.


“But I don’t know what that means.”


“Here, for you to figure out.” he hands me a piece of paper it has the riddle on it and a symbol of a cross with the stem of a flower overlapping it. I turn the paper over it says:


Zireena,


You have been chosen to be the next member of the Casana Sisterhood. When the time is right you will have a way to find our civilization. It is then you will find out more about us but for now I leave you with this: flowers come and flowers go but one will always stay.


A friend


I start to say something to him but he is already gone like he just disappeared into thin air.


Jena catches up. “What was that all about?”


“Here.” I give her the piece of paper. She reads it.


“ ‘A flower comes and a flower goes but one will always stay’?” She reads, “What does that mean?” I shrug.


“Turn the paper over.” I say to her. She reads the other side.


“Another riddle?” I nod. “But how will you know what it means?”


“I don’t know” I say. I want to see him again to see if I can get more stuff out of him so decide to leave him a note. I don’t’ have any paper so I run back. Jena is coming after me. When I get to my room I find a piece of paper and a pen and write:


I hope we met again say maybe next Saturday at 1:00.


I run back to the tree and attach the note to a branch hoping he will see it.


The week goes by in a blur by the time the week is out I barely remember anything that happened.


When I get to the tree I see I note that he wrote. It says:


See you there


where are he? I don’t see him. Then I hear somebody call out “Zireena up here.” I realize it him calling me so I climb up.


“Hey Kurbis.” I say.


“Hey yourself. Why did you want me to come here?” he asks.


“To get to know you better.” I say even thought it’s a lie.


“You can get to know me better by asking questions so fire away.” He says.


“Why are you eyes yellow?” I ask.


“They only turn yellow when I have a lot of emotion. Now my turn. Why did you run when you first saw me?”


“I was afraid you were going to attack me. What do you want with me?”


“I wanted to tell you the riddle which I already have. You needed to know that you were part of the Casana sisterhood. Ok now more personal. Who’s your friend?”


“Her name is Jena. How do you know that I’m part of this secret society?”


“Because I am of the Reana brotherhood. I shouldn’t have said that.”


“Really what is this Reana brotherhood?”


“I can’t tell you.”


“Why?”


“Because you’re not supposed to know until you’re meeting.”


“I guess I can deal with that. Do you have any siblings?”


“Yes a brother who is six years older than me. You?”


“A sister who is six years older that me. Are your parents divorced?”


“Yeah. I live with my Dad. My dad left my mom right before second grade.”


“Me too only its my mom not my dad. Does your brother live with your mom?”


“Yeah, well actually my mom, my step-dad and my step-sister.”


“Me too only the complete opposite gender. Weird.” we talked longer about how similar we are. Finally we have to leave for it is 6:00. “I have to go so I won’t be late for dinner.”


“I should go too.” we go our separate ways.





A bright pair of yellow eyes comes out of the darkness. It startles me.


“Come here.,” the person the yellow eyes belong to whispers.


“Who are you.”? I’m starting to get nervous.


“You’ll find out if you come closer.” my heart beats faster as I step closer. It’s Kurbis.


“I surprised you didn’t I?” I nod. He comes closer until there is not even a millimeter between us. My heart beats faster. He runs the back of fingers down the side of my face. The touch is so gentle. This makes my heart pound and I’m sure he can feel it. I feel warm despite the cold of the night.


I awake heart pounding, covers on the floor, and face covered with a hot sweat. I look at the clock and it’s 6:34. I groan and go back to sleep.


In the morning I go to the tree again but he isn’t there so I just climb it. Why did I dream that last night? I ask myself. I don’t know. I tell myself.


It was such a strange dream. I consider him my friend but nothing else.


I see someone coming. It’s Kurbis. I find that I’m excited to see him. This meeting is more fun then last time.


“I’ll see you later my sweet lady.” he says.


“I will be delighted my charming gentleman.” I try to curtsey but I end up falling over. “I’m so clumsy.” We burst out laughing. “Do you have a friend here?” I ask on a more serious note.


“Yeah, his name is TJ.”


“Do you think he would want to met my friend Jena?”


“I think he would. Lets say next Saturday one o-clock.”


“It’s a plan.” Jena going to love this.








“Jena you have to go.” I complain.


“I can’t, he’ll think I’m ugly.”


“No he won’t Jena. He’ll think you’re beautiful because you are beautiful.”


“I still can’t go.”


“Just go.” An hour later Jena finally agreed and we head off to go met the boys.


“Kurbis.” I call.


“Introductions. TJ this is Zireena. Zireena this is TJ.”


“Jena this is TJ. TJ this is Jena. Jena this is Kurbis. Kurbis this is Jena.” I say. “TJ is the one.” I whisper to Jena.


“TJ stop staring at her chest.” I hear Kurbis whisper to TJ. I smile.


The meeting ends in about an hour.


I whisper to Kurbis “My fifteenth birthday is tomorrow.” he smiles.


The next day at breakfast Cassandra and her peoples come over by me.


“Rumor has it that it’s your birthday and how old are you?” Cassandra asks mockingly.


“I am fifteen.” I say.


“Fifteen and no boyfriend how sad.” she acts like she’s sad.


“I have to correct you on that. I am fifteen but,” I pause for dramatic effect. “I do have a boyfriend.” their faces don’t change so I add “You wouldn’t know him because he is actually real.” their jaws drop. Their mouths are open so far that I could successfully shoot a spitball down their throats. I am so surprised that they seem more amazed that I insulted them, than me having a boyfriend. I have to add this. “Jena has a boyfriend too.” their jaws drop farther which I don’t think is possible.


After breakfast I go up to my room. When I get there, there is a package on my bed. I go over to my bed and pick up the package; it’s small and light. I wonder what it could be. I open it and it’s a necklace. It looks like it’s a ruby, a round circular ruby with two stripes of silver wrapping around it. Why would anybody spend this much money just for a necklace? I spy a note that must have fallen out when I opened the wrapping.


This is to find where the sisterhood lives. It will glow when you will need to meet them. It is also a compass. When you are looking for the civilization it will glow when you face the direction you have to go. You must meet them or something bad might happen.


P.S. I picked this one out just for you.


There was a sharp knock at the door.


“Come in.” I say hiding the note behind my back.


“It’s Jena.” Mrs. Hawkins, my English teacher, says.


I drop the note. “What’s happened?” I ask racing out of the room following Mrs. Hawkins.


“She is having an attack.” Mrs. Hawkins sounded worried. My dear friend Jena Smith is epileptic. Only I could really get her seizures to stop. I don’t know how, I just do.


“Did you put a wooden spoon in her mouth so she doesn’t bite he tongue?” Mrs. Hawkins nods. I see Jena lying on the ground. I run over to her.


I lift up her head. “Jena. Jena. It’s me Zireena.” I whisper to her. “Jena, come on Jena your missing out on all the fun and you don’t want that do you Jena? TJ will miss you Jena. Jena comes on. Please stop this Jena.” her shaking stops. “Jena are you there? We are all waiting for you Jena.” she opens her eyes. “Jena your back.”


“What? Did I have an attack?” I nod.


“Come on you should lie down.” I say to Jena while helping her up.


When I get to my room I find that the necklace is glowing. It’s time to go. I lay Jena in her bed. “I have to go do something important right now ok Jena.” all I hear is a groan so I think she is asleep.


I follow the glow of the necklace for it seems like two hours until I reach a door. The necklace is glowing brighter now. I knock on the door. No one answers. I knock again this time a bit harder. This time Kurbis answers.


“Kurbis?” I ask.


“Yes, it’s me.” he replies.


“I thought this was the living place of the sisterhood.”


“It is.”


“Then why are you answering the door?”


“You will find out in your meeting.” he leans over and kisses me on the forehead. “Good luck.” he leads me in. I find myself in a small village that looks very old fashion. He leads me to what looks like the biggest building in the village. “Go inside, they are waiting for you.” I go inside. There is only one candle lit. It is on a table next to a chair. I assume that I’m supposed to sit in that chair so I do.


“Zireena Jacobson you have been chosen to be the next member of the Casana sisterhood.” I voice says from up above. I look up but all I see is darkness. “You will have a task assigned to you to prove you are worthy to be in the Casana sisterhood.”


“What is my task?” I ask boldly.


“I understand that you have a sick friend right now.”


“Yes.” how did they know about that?


“Now your task is to take from her, her sickness and if she doesn’t get sick for three weeks then we will grant you the power of the sisterhood. Can you do that?”


“I don’t know how.”


“You will know when you try.” the voice says sorrowfully. “You may leave now.” I get up and walk toward the door. “Remember three weeks and then you will have to return the necklace will guide you again.”


When I walk through the door Kurbis is waiting for me anxiously.


“So what happened?” he asks.


“My task is to take away my friend’s epilepsy.” I say staring off into the distance.


“You will do it right?” he asks me urgently.


“Of course I will do it. Why wouldn’t I help my friend.” it was more of a statement then a question. “I need to get back now.”


“Yes of course.” he says and leads me out.


When I get back to my room Jena is still laying I her bed.


“Zireena.” I hear her croak.


“Yes Jena I’m here.”


“Why did you leave me.”?” Well I had to do something very important and I’ll tell you what it is when you get better.”


“But Zireena.”


“Shhh. Now don’t talk you need your strength.” she seemed to agree with me and went back to sleep. “Jena you need to be rid of your epilepsy.” I whisper to her. My necklace glows. I think I healed her with out even realizing it.





Three week come and go until I have to meet up with the Casana sisterhood.


When I get to the door Kurbis answers it again. He gives me a kiss on the cheek this time for good luck.


“Zireena you have retuned and has you friend been sick.”


“No.” I say.


“Then you will have the sisterhood power in you.”


“Excuse me but I want to know more about this sisterhood.”


“I figured you would want to know more so I’m going to tell you, starting with how it all started. Early in the beginning of the human race, two young girls were just messing around saying weird things like ‘I am a flower that blooms twice a year.’ Then when the girls we holding hands one said ‘Let us be the Casana sisterhood. Let this sisterhood last ‘til the end of the world, and let there be brotherhood to have which we shall chose our mates from. Let the cross represent the Reana brotherhood and let the flower represent the Casana sisterhood. We together as a family will go into the place of the spirits and help them fulfill their souls desires.” no one really knows how by saying that made it be. Some say that they were chosen by the spirits to form this alliance. Others just say it was meant to be but no one rally knows. So now you know how and somewhat why the sisterhood was formed. Now for more information. Every year we chose one lucky girl to come and join us. So do the Reana only it’s a boy in this case Kurbis, for us you. Now most of the time the boy that was admitted into this secret society usually end up together but not always only a few don’t make it.


“For a girl to get chosen she has to be strong free willed and spirited. Now to actually get accepted into this group you have to do a task which you have already done yours. There isn’t much else that I can tell you. You will really just learn the rest like the rest of us did. When ever we need you the amulet will glow.”


“Amulet? I thought it was just a necklace.”


“That’s one other thing you have to learn is that none of our jewelry is what it seems.” I leave the dark room. Again Kurbis is waiting for me.


“So how did it go.”?“I’m in.” I say as monotone as humanly possible.


“Well aren’t you excited.”


“Of course I am but there is much for me to learn.”


“Well duh. So what do you want to do first?”


“First I want you to tell me as much as you can about this.”


15 minutes ago


- 3 days left to answer.
Reply:A few grammar mistakes and maybe you should describe what the characters look like a bit more when they are introduced to the reader so the reader can get a view of what the character looks like to you, the author.





'Other than that it sounds pretty good. :)
Reply:A great big 10 for you!!!!!!!!
Reply:GREAT!
Reply:I LOVE IT!!


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